My Plan For Father’s Day

Source: Pixabay

You know how you only appreciate all the times you have an unblocked nose when you have a blocked nose.

Well it’s that time of year. Father’s Day.

Time to appreciate Dad again.

Perhaps, somewhere beneath his grumpy exterior there’s a kind, conscientious father who doesn’t ruin Game of Thrones consistently over text every Monday morning. Perhaps not.

That Sky Atlantic subscription was one father’s day mistake I won’t be repeating this time round.

All joking aside - I spoil him. The unrequited gifting routine that occurs annually has been meticulously planned out this time around. As if devoting a blog post to him and my precious time writing it isn’t enough – I’ve got a route planned for a cracking bike ride across the downs and over to Devil’s Dyke pub.

Up and over The Downs we’ll go, hopefully the weather will manage to hold out this year as it’s a gorgeous bike route this time of year. Quiet, scenic and relatively easy going both ways too. The hard part is finding a spot to park your bike at the pub!

After a couple of pints of Guinness we’ll finally get around to ordering. The poor waiter will come over after 15 minutes, ask us if we’ve decided on what to eat. To which we’ll reply “we haven’t given it a moment’s thought” and “could you come back in a few minutes”. A few minutes later and we’ll still be talking about Leicester winning the league or how nice/not nice (delete as appropriate) the weather is.

The now, disgruntled waiter will reappear. Surely we’ve an idea of what we want. At this point we’ll panic and do what all men do in this position.

“Do you do burgers?”

Two stone and one Vardy party later, we’ll be happily on our way back from whence we came. I’ve even planned ahead for the inevitable stitch. Stitches are our body’s way of telling us that too much fitness is bad for you. My dad loves fitness, but he also loves a Biriyani while watching Europa League football.

Life’s about balance. You have to pick your battles. Too much exercise disrupts the Feng Shui of the universe and neither of us want to be responsible for what happens after that. So Mum’s going to be sitting patiently in a layby down the road eagerly waiting to take us home to presents, and more importantly…

Cake

While having a tidy-up, I came across a picture of my dad in his youth and laughed out loud when I thought that it would look even better on the face of a cake. After asking around a few friends of mine who informed me that it is indeed possible to have Father’s Day cupcakes custom made with your dad’s face embezzled on the front.

However after having a further rummage around I came across several more pictures and had realised I had something of a dilemma on my hands. Do I go with one of the Sgt Pepper classics we have hanging in the living room back at home, or one of the black and white ageless exhibits. Perhaps I could get the black and white to match the shape of a Guinness pitcher – he’d surely appreciate that.

In the end I went with a batch, half of him on his wedding day – and the other half of me. Why? Because it wouldn’t be Father’s Day without me would it?

Cake is incredible. It helped me through every breakup to date with its unique medicinal power. Cake gets you through the worst birthday parties, the most awkward best man speeches and even those awfully boring weight watchers meetings. I’m convinced cake is another state of matter altogether, no matter how full you are – there is always room for cake.

I imagine at this point we’ll be well on our way to a nice mid-afternoon doze. I’ve checked the television schedule but there doesn’t in fact seem to be a great deal on. My mum and dad are at the stage in their lives where they’re paying for Netflix and don’t realise it. So I’ll probably get around to showing them their account and the joy of limitless TV.

Once he’s awoken from his food coma I’m planning on ordering a curry. Like I said earlier, Biriyani is the way for him but I’m more of a Dansak kind of guy. All in all, it’s set out to be a great day. I’ve even manage to book the day off from work as well. I wish I realised the importance of planning during my last relationship!